Chopping Mall – Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets

  “I’m not so sure my parents would want me listening to something like Chopping Mall.” Never before has there been any single line of lyrics that I’ve been able to identify with more on any album I’ve ever listened to. I have never once sat here and pined to see some satirical deathgrind that takes itself not seriously whatsoever and can make it one of the most fun albums I’ve ever heard from all of metal. Just saying that boggles my mind, so you can only imagine how confused, amazed, and ecstatic when listening to the 21 tracks of Chopping Mall’s debut.

Just the name of the band alone is enough to grasp my attention with it being a very classy reference to a very classy movie, but it’s really the album’s name that gives you an inkling as to just what ridiculousness we’re in for. “Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets”. The name alone still makes me laugh. Virtually everything about this album then follows suit as each song has something hilarious to boast which usually comes in the form of crazy song titles, mad song lyrics that were all written in less than 5 minutes each (seriously), or both. Apart from that, though, it breaks my brain to see that this is the best showcase of deathgrind that I’ve seen since Cattle Decapitation, and, even then, I didn’t have as much fun with the sound before “Mauled By A Magical Bear”. Hands down, this is one of the most insane albums I’ve ever listened to for a multitude of different reasons, and Chopping Mall makes it work way too fucking well for a concept such as this as it’s the sort of album that can just as easily astound and amuse as it has for me as it is can make someone unreasonably mad because it’s a stupid album that is not meant to be taken seriously whatsoever. And that last part can’t be any more accurate, and I truly love this album for that! From the ferocious riffs to the very spirited approach to the style, there’s so much to sink your teeth into for the whole of this record and Chopping Mall pulls it off with absolute splendor! This isn’t even talking about the finale that sounds like a Brad Paisley parody commercial selling meat on the side of the road in motherfucking Arizona, and it’s good!

Even after listening to this work for hours, it still constantly melts my brain because of all the crazy shit that was dumped into it actually came out sounding pretty fucking awesome which is a feat that Chopping Mall should be very satisfied with. When you boil it all down, there’s no dancing around it: “”Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets” fucking slaps way more than it should.

“Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets” releases on April 17th!

PRE-ORDER “Mauled By A Magical Bear With Scalding Hot Liquid Cheese Spraying From Its Eyesockets” on Bandcamp here.

LIKE Chopping Mall on Facebook here.

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